so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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