Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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