Already got asked if we're dating
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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