Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
