I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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