I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
