im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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