Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
