i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
