I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
