Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
