I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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