I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
