Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
