they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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