I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
