dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
