I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
