The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
