I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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