im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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