omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
