I think i peed on brittanys purse
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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