Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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