And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
