We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
