btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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