I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
