What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
