I should be sponsored by Trojan
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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