i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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