if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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