Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
