What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
