Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
