She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's blow job season.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
