No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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