Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We have so much sex to catch up on
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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