need another drink. this is the easiest way
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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