At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
