so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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