Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
