Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
