Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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