omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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