Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
