You really coming over, don't trick.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Randomize
