I wish my penis had an off switch
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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