The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
