I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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